Sunday, August 22, 2010
Good new comic
Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
title=";)">Ides of blood
Friday, March 26, 2010
How to jerk off the reader for 2,000 pages in 5 easy steps
Step 1: Be named Alastair Reynolds.
Step 2: Redefine the space opera by writing an amazing first novel. Create an awesome race of unbeatable machine villains. Call the book Revelation Space.
Step 3: Deepen the mythology, intrigue and character dynamics, engaging the reader for the ultimate showdown of man vs. cosmic machine. Throw in a neat-o pig/man hybrid serial killer. Call this one Redemption Ark.
Step 4: Spend 700 pages on completely inconsequential characters and subplots in no way related to the main tension of the series previously established in the first two books. Avoid all answers to questions posed by the series. Don't bother to bring back the badass immortal dude whose soul was copied into a machine planet named after the Greek god of the fucking underworld. Add in a magic kid who makes everything better. Don't even bother introducing the deux ex machina of an alien race that supposedly saves the day. Create a convoluted plot about getting all these people to this one place so they can do this thing only to decide they shouldn't do this thing at all so they don't but it's okay because it turns out those impossible-to-beat machines from the first two books--you know, the ones that haven't been doing jack shit this entire book; the ones who 800 pages ago were turning moons into sun-eating doomsday machines--they turn out to be about as threatening as a crippled rolly fucking polly. Then write a shitty ass epilogue in a half-ass attempt to put a Bandaid on the slit in my armpit where you fucked me with your Welsh cock while punching me in the back of the head screaming, "Absolution Gap!" over and over.
Step 5: Get a 1,000,000 pound book deal to do it to me again ten more times over the next ten years.
Way to fuck it up, Reynolds.
Way to fuck it up.
Step 2: Redefine the space opera by writing an amazing first novel. Create an awesome race of unbeatable machine villains. Call the book Revelation Space.
Step 3: Deepen the mythology, intrigue and character dynamics, engaging the reader for the ultimate showdown of man vs. cosmic machine. Throw in a neat-o pig/man hybrid serial killer. Call this one Redemption Ark.
Step 4: Spend 700 pages on completely inconsequential characters and subplots in no way related to the main tension of the series previously established in the first two books. Avoid all answers to questions posed by the series. Don't bother to bring back the badass immortal dude whose soul was copied into a machine planet named after the Greek god of the fucking underworld. Add in a magic kid who makes everything better. Don't even bother introducing the deux ex machina of an alien race that supposedly saves the day. Create a convoluted plot about getting all these people to this one place so they can do this thing only to decide they shouldn't do this thing at all so they don't but it's okay because it turns out those impossible-to-beat machines from the first two books--you know, the ones that haven't been doing jack shit this entire book; the ones who 800 pages ago were turning moons into sun-eating doomsday machines--they turn out to be about as threatening as a crippled rolly fucking polly. Then write a shitty ass epilogue in a half-ass attempt to put a Bandaid on the slit in my armpit where you fucked me with your Welsh cock while punching me in the back of the head screaming, "Absolution Gap!" over and over.
Step 5: Get a 1,000,000 pound book deal to do it to me again ten more times over the next ten years.
Way to fuck it up, Reynolds.
Way to fuck it up.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
But What IS It About?
1. Ninjas.
2. Hobos.
3. Monkeys.
4. Speculative fiction.
5. Rants about escalators.
6. Stephen the Quantum Physics Hamster vs. Alfred the General Relativity Koala.
7. Sumo wrestling.
8. More about monkeys.
2. Hobos.
3. Monkeys.
4. Speculative fiction.
5. Rants about escalators.
6. Stephen the Quantum Physics Hamster vs. Alfred the General Relativity Koala.
7. Sumo wrestling.
8. More about monkeys.
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